chadbrochill17

Carpe Diem

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 02:29:26 GMT

get out
go out
live life
jesus christ it's great

Uh...

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 22:35:17 GMT

It finally happened

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 00:17:51 GMT

Cactrot

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 08:17:11 GMT

Trio'd mr cactrot Rapido with sir slott and sir stinkypoo tonight. Was definitely one of the more fun things I've done in a while. Bouncing hate between me and stinky (rdm/nin) with the occasional hate from slott (blm/nin). I didn't get hit once and stinky only got hit twice due to me being a little late showing up >.>; About as smooth as the fight could go.

Ass drops of course though! Would totally do again

Oh my god it is possible

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:55:29 GMT

WHO CLAIMED US A NIDHOGG!?!
magic-carpet.exe is really nice ;p

All the other casters in the picture got cockblocked by time-delay. I got tired of dia always getting owned by the delay so I switch to blind. win

Grats mr simtny. A body next time prz =(

Dear NFL:

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 01:13:03 GMT

Tom Brady wears a size 10 ring. I am unsure what size the rest of the team wears, but you should get to fitting them now as they are a shoe-in to win it all after this weekend.

Sincerely,
Tyler Knight

Fuck you Tricen

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:27:41 GMT

Your cockbag self trolls my shit and with both get the temp ban

all because of this thread:
http://bluegartrls.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=28087

Notice, I did not start shit, and I actually kept it on topic, not to mention I made sense.
I'm gonna hunt him down irl and kill him, it's true

No idea how to do an ljcut...

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 22:54:55 GMT

...so you get the whole thing on your friends page!
This is my final paper for CORE, which was a critical thinking and social problems course.
I just found out this morning I got a B in the class, which was rather high considering all the stuff I didn't turn in.

On any given day, approximately ten thousand people join me in exploring the world of Vana’Diel. I play “Final Fantasy XI,” an online computer game which is a world within our world; the world of Vana’Diel. Vana’Diel is not just an online realm where I play a video game; it is an entirely self-sufficient world, much like the one we live in, where many forces of society have the same consequences and effects which we attribute to Earth. In our societies on Earth, we are used to rampant capitalism and rigid social control. The online world of Vana’Diel is very similar to the modern capitalistic, utilitarian, and convenient societies with which we are familiar, but has fewer moral, social, and governmental controls.
The social interaction found online is not unlike that observed in reality. Person to person relationships and interaction is of the utmost importance when you are faced with many unique and difficult challenges like you are in Final Fantasy XI. Many of the challenges players face require quick thinking and flawless teamwork, such as defeating the game’s most complicated monsters or obtaining some of the rarest items known to players. While several strong bonds and friendships are made online, it is not uncommon to make a fair amount of enemies as well – enemies which are not monsters, but other players. It seems that relationships online follow a strict social structure just like the structure found in the real world. The cliques formed in Vana’Diel could be fairly compared to those formed in high school. On the first day of school, students are confused as to what to do or where to go. Many students form bonds in their first few weeks of high school which remain throughout their stay at the school, and their enemies are no different. In Final Fantasy XI, the confusion players have during their first few hours of game time cannot be overstated. It is not rare for players to have no idea what is going on for the first few weeks of playtime until they figure things out on their own or they are fortunate enough to meet someone who will help them figure out what they are doing. Many of the first people you meet online become your closest friends as the game progresses, as you start talking to him or her more and more often. Those players found to be annoying or offensive are similarly judged and avoided for the majority of time spent in game, just like they would be avoided in reality.
This quick judging is undoubtedly due to the myriad of fellow adventurers online. There is a lot to take in, and when a player struggles to initially get along in the game and is constantly meeting more and more new people, it is only natural for conclusions to be prematurely reached. There is simply not enough time to stop and get to know everybody that is coming into contact. Hasty judging and first impressions constitute much of the social interactions found online, just like what many are accustomed to back in their real lives and can be attributed to a feeling of being “lost in the fray” of the world. This is one of the fundamental differences in social control. Often times there are opportunities laid out for a person to get to know a group of people better in the corporate and public life. Online, the same social rules do not apply and nobody forces anybody to interact; any interaction is done purely out of desire. The social control exists only as much as the player allows it.
As previously alluded, many of the friendships and bonds made throughout a player’s game time are quite strong. What may have started as a cordial, casual acquaintance often times further develops into great online friendships. There is a remarkably unique aspect of online relationships which is just unrealistic in other media. Final Fantasy XI is actually a game developed and produced by a Japanese company. Because of this, much of the player-base is Japanese. The game has even stretched to the European continent, allowing further opportunity to interact with those with different customs. Personally, I have forged friendships with a Japanese player, several British players, and even a player from the United Arab Emirates. While these interactions are possible in other ways using the internet, there is a much larger ease of communication which exists in Vana’Diel.
Through these friendships, I have witnessed first-hand the tragedy and senselessness of racism and stereotyping. Many stereotypes exist online regarding race just like those outside, though obviously online stereotypes are related to the game. Japanese players, for example, are “supposed” to be selfish players which demand perfection out of all people they play with. Arab players have a stereotype of being childish, while Americans have the stereotype of being annoying players that listen to nobody. Because of these outrageous stereotypes, many groups of players refuse to play with other groups. Many Japanese players turn down and opportunity to play with Americans simply because they believe them all to be ignorant about the game. These cultural misappropriations, which stem from reality, have a profound impact on the workings of the game. Many activities popular to Americans are completely avoided by the Japanese, and vice versa. This is a huge rift amongst players and continues to be a rampant problem. Players would simply rather play within their comfort zone and accept the preconceived notions of others rather than attempt to work together and achieve a common goal. Once again, utilitarian ethics rears its ugly head in Final Fantasy XI. There is no social control present because there is nobody to enforce it and keep the offenders in check.
Unfortunately, social interactions and conflicts are a huge problem in the world of Vana’Diel. Unlike games similar to it, Final Fantasy XI allows the unique experience of exclusively being a player versus environment game – that is players cannot participate in battle against each other. Interestingly enough, once you have progressed to the higher “levels” of the game, the conflict between players occurs almost exclusively due to a competition of “resources,” a problem well known to the economist. The resources in Final Fantasy XI are not the typical resources found in society such as fuel, food, and land. Instead, the hot commodities sought after by hordes of players are monsters. While in several instances the monster is purely hunted for entertainment purposes or the enjoyment of the fight, in most cases the “best” monsters in the game are only killed for the rare and exceptionally good items and equipment they leave behind. Some groups of players deliberately monopolize these items for personal benefit from sale, as they cannot even use the items or equipment. This is a part of the game because once an action is made on a monster, it may not be acted on by others and all loot is collected by that player and his or her group. Although not all monsters are monopolized by groups of players, the ones that drop the top tier (best) of equipment appear only once a day and are “claimed” as soon as they appear on screen, leaving many players without many fun and fresh experiences within the game. This creates an overwhelming feeling of social capitalism. Many are competing for the same resource, and when one group dominates over another, that dominating party will continue to flourish, regardless of outside feelings or pressures.
This main source of conflict could be called a central theme of the game, since so much time is spent attempting to fight and kill these rare monsters. Just like reality, when those who are stronger and more able to collect resources out-compete those that are seeking the same thing, the losing party becomes angry and hostile, while the victors gloat their superiority. In Vana’Diel, the loser will often smear peoples’ reputations. The victor, on the other hand, typically takes no notice of their fortune, for they only care about what they have obtained. Such is the fundamental basis of utilitarian ethics. In the end, the victor only cares about the ends. Though he or she is cheating others out of a full experience time and time again, he or she will continue to monopolize the monsters as long as those ends continually justify those means.
This complete disregard for others is sometimes found in some competitive environments, but much of the time it is quelled by having to be accountable to the actions when the competition is over. In the online world, there is no accountability. At the end of the day, the stronger does not have to look the weaker in the eye. Instead, it is possible to get away with immoral behavior and general disregard for others’ wellbeing. The only person that can be looked in the eye is a fictitious being made of tiny squares, and not the real person sitting behind that character a thousand miles away. Because of this, all of the online communities have created a pitfall for moral behavior. Accountability is replaced with utilitarian, “in the moment” emotions for those that wish to disregard acceptable moral conduct.
The modern capitalistic society interjects its way into the world of Vana’Diel as well. In our business-oriented society, structure and organization is very important. Almost all businesses have a head figure, several management employees, and then general employees. This makes up the hierarchical structure of the modern capitalistic model; one person must be in charge with a select few for help and then have many lower workers. Oddly enough, the players of Final Fantasy XI have ordered themselves in almost the exact same fashion. Groups of people who have similar interests in in-game activities form a group called a linkshell. In these linkshells, a leader is designated to handle the scheduling of different events and activities and to keep a general order in the linkshell. The linkshell leader could be accurately described as the C.E.O. They look over everything and everyone to make sure things are running smoothly – no fights are breaking out amongst linkshell members, players are properly rewarded for their hard work, and that battles are fought with the highest amount of tenacity and effort as possible. Under the linkshell leader, there are typically two to five “officers” that take charge in the absence of the leader and take care of the more menial tasks of a linkshell, such as managing the bank. These officers could appropriately be compared to the upper management of a business. While they do not have as much responsibility as the top official, they still maintain a sense of power over the other members of the linkshell. At the bottom, the general members are given very little choice in activities; they have a really small voice in comparison to the officers and leader, yet their size is much larger. While definitely not as harsh or unfair, these lower members are treated like those of the working class in factories or other blue-collar jobs. The reason so many players continue to stay in the low-class position they are in is because they are stuck. Many players want to participate in a lot of the things the game has to offer that requires a large team. Without these linkshells, the individual has no way to have the fun they want to have, however once in the linkshell, you are not treated as fairly as some of the other members; the members at the top make decisions while the ones at the bottom swallow it. Indeed, social Darwinism and a class system even exists in the online realm, but only as a direct result of rampant a capitalistic structure.
The convenience of the aforementioned linkshell system is apparent, as there is a model in reality which players can mold themselves to. Convenience, however, is not so apparent in the language used by the most experienced players of the game. Just as those of a trade begin to understand and even speak more technical jargon as time wears on, the most skilled players in Vana’Diel must adopt a similar type of language. Because battles are so fierce and stressful, it is imperative mistakes are not made which could be avoided. In such a large group of people, with most linkshell fights with monsters requiring at least eighteen players, any hiccup in communication could be the reason for failure. A Vana’Diel language has since evolved out of the game. With enough acronyms to make even the most experienced internet user’s head spin, the language which has evolved assures the utmost quickness in communicating. In many of the more amateur players, it would not be uncommon to see, during a fight with a monster, a sentence such as “Can you provoke this monster? My mana is running low and I need to rest.” This is a stark contrast to the veteran conversations from heated battles of “voke oom hmp.” The direct translation of this would be “Provoke please, I am out of mana and I need to heal it.” Believe it or not, in just the small difference of time of those sentences, it is very easy to lose control and end up wasting the entire battle. This language has been a sort of forced evolution for convenience’s sake; an effectively convenient way to communicate during the most difficult times.
When talking about a capitalistic society, it is perhaps most important to speak about the supply and demand of money in the system. While the principals of capitalism transmit down to describe several different aspects of society, its most direct effect is money. In the world of Vana’Diel, money is the single most important driving force of anything in the game. The makers of Final Fantasy XI pride themselves in the economic and trading system they created for their game and especially for the auction house. Unlike a traditional auction, the owner puts the item he or she wishes to sell on sale for a price he or she determines. Another play may then see that this item is in stock and bid. If the bid is the same or above the price which was set by the seller, then the item will be purchased. The price at which the available item is being sold for is unknown to the buyer. The auction house, and fundamentally every item bought, sold, or traded, is purely under the control of the players.
There are only two specific things which the creators decided to do to at least give the economy some form of control. First, they added a price history to the auction house. This listed the date and price of the last ten sales of the selected item. This was to act as a general guide to pricing and buying. Second, they added a ten percent flat tax to all items put on auction – applied to the price the seller places on the item. This was to ensure it would be very difficult to clear price histories and manipulate prices. With only these two features of the economy touched by the makers of the game, Final Fantasy XI was as close to a laissez-faire economic system as could be realistically achieved without chaos. The law of capitalism has since ruled the societies of Vana’Diel. Vana’Diel has the modern capitalist economy without almost all of the control the government places o it. For some, the free-market has been the source of great fortune from knowing when to buy low and sell high. For others, it has simply been a source of great frustration, as rampant undercutting and badly timed inflated prices has made dealing with money a complete nightmare.
In our lives on Earth, we are used measuring people’s wealth by the cars they drive or how big their house is. Liquid assets are the primary tool for measuring wealth. Final Fantasy XI does not have those same kind of commodities, so instead a player’s equipment is used to be the bar. Any player can view another’s equipment by a simple command within the game. It immediately becomes apparent who has the most money and who has very little, which is dangerous when making assumptions. Often times, the player that does not have the caliber of gear expected for their place in the game is ridiculed and told to work harder in order to earn more money to make themselves better. Because of this, there is a large rift between the richer and the poorer players. Often times, the more wealthy players will not play with the poorer ones simply because they do not find them worthy. With an ever increasing gap between the rich and poor in America, this is no new concept to many. Elitist and classist attitudes erupt from these opposite sides. This is a direct product of the capitalist machine which controls the game. Because one is fortunate enough to make much money in the system, it is only expected others should be able to do the same – setting up a truly tragic scenario for those that are not as fortunate. The capitalism which runs rampant in Final Fantasy XI breeds only elitist and classist sentiment which can be directly paralleled to the current problem in the United States.

WALLOTEXT

Fun Game =)

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 09:49:48 GMT

Posted by my brother, my turn:
Go to the Wikipedia home page and click random article. That is your band's name.
Click random article again; that is your album name.
Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.

Band's Name: Azimuth
Album Name: Vivienne de Watteville

1)Junín
2)Riverside
3)Gradius III
4)Russian battleship Retvizan
5)Prince's Skating Club
6)Exploding rat
7)reSID
8)CCCP
9)Theme Time Radio Hour: Dance
10)Pageland, South Carolina
11)Glock-Guitar
12)Bolton Valley
13)Holding Point
14)Te Waikoropupu Springs
15)Neomitranthes

lol@ exploding rat

I wish...

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 08:48:27 GMT

I had a dick in a camels mouth, maybe I could claim something

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 09:52:56 GMT

It's hella late but I'm still up and idk why. I slept like 10 hours last night, which is double the most ive gotten this week, which is quite sad because i really havnt done anything all week. Melocke sent me this the other day and I found it pretty humorous:

I miss the good people in ffxi! Seems like they all play different times than I do, and when I go to events it sucks not seeing them around. Also kinda sucks I have a friends that do not like each other, so they don't like it when I do stuff with the other! It's hard for me to dislike people; it's just who I am. I'll talk plenty of shit but i don't hate <.<
People I haven't been hanging out with lately: LETS DO IT

Al gore

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 23:50:19 GMT

So I'm sitting in class right now watching "a conveniently placed truth" by al gore, for the 3rd time or something now. It just makes me angry thinking about the dude anymore. Blatant lies, skewing data, showing graphs and saying they are correlated based on completely different time periods, showing poignant pictures of dried lakes (which were dried on purpose), showing a picture of polar bears saying they are going extinct (oh hi, polar bear population is among the highest its ever been).
I need to decide on an issue to sensationalize in order to win a fucking nobel peace prize; maybe I'll combine 2 undeserving ideas from Al Gore and Adolph Hitler (2 prize winners now), and just burn the jews with global warming and demand a prize.

Undefeated antics

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 05:34:56 GMT

Patriots 10-0 tonight and looked amazing. I'm really starting to believe more and more that there is no team in the league that can touch them, especially after their win in Indy despite abysmal officiating and poor play. Special "fuck you" to all haters saying they are running up the score because frankly, I don't give a shit, and neither should grown men that are being payed millions of dollars to run around in tight pants catching a ball.
Niner game was fun today. Nothing like a Tony(teets)'s drunk family and football and tailgating lol.

I had planned on returning to school tonight, but I am very tired and don't feel like keeping my eyes open for long enough to make it back to school tonight, so I'm just going to get up early and go in the morning. I may more may not make math class - I guess we will see (not like I need to go anyways ;)). Fuckton of writing to do tomorrow night though, which I am definitely not looking forward to doing. W/e i guess...thatthatthat that don't kill me, can only make me stronger....>.>

Ingame: It's nice having gil finally, plus rdm and blm basically have all purchasable equipment except for the 2+ mil HQ gear that is a marginal improvement (read: pointless) over their NQ counterparts. Need to finish blm badly lol.

Going to sleep shortly, until next time

Jesus out

Excuse the comma splice

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 09:42:26 GMT

A return is inevitable...
I will fill your minds with more useless info about my life ingame and out...

Going to 49er game tomorrow (or today i guess technically), not sure while I'm still up. Someone just bugged me to start using this again (hell, I haven't even checked on it in a few months), and I think I will. Shout out to my brother, Punknight, who this mostly will be for, considering I don't get a lot of time to talk to him anymore due to shitty ass schedules.
Other than that...
I'm sleepy.
It's really hot in here.
Professor Kahlert can go die.

Toodles~

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 07:02:49 GMT

roller coaster of life goes uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup and then doooooooooooooooooowwnnnnnnnnnn

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 02:36:30 GMT

Merry fucking Christmas. No Hanukkah, back in the closet, I didn't say anything about you.

jk, but fuck Kwanzaa

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 01:06:54 GMT

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle! Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing

GG Macbeth, GG

A choice

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 22:01:30 GMT

What would you choose, a friend or winning? Apparently he has chosen the latter and decided I am not worth keeping. The day after exploding on me over something he has no right to comment on, not a word is exchanged, not a glance. Fuck you

The Jester is on the sideline in a cast

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 08:04:17 GMT

Hmmm, no idea why I am making a post other than the fact I feel like making one, if that made any sense at all. Not sure really what to say, so I will ramble.

I am Tyler's mind, wondering where the time goes and completely unmotivated to do anything beyond thinking about doing something.

FFXI currently boring the fuck out of me. I don't have the time to really do anything on there anymore, so I either play FFXII or watch TV. FFXII currently boring the fuck out of me. I don't know why and I still have a huge desire to play, but I find my mind tracking back to things I should be doing. TV currently boring the fuck out of me. I really don't care about you Tom Cruise, or what happens on the lolrealworld.

So here I am at a crossroads. How should I spend my time? Well, this decision would really require me having any time to decide how to spend at all. Well shit, looks like I can't make that decision just yet, need to wait until I have time. I guess I need to be doing schoolwork before I have this time to decide how I should spend my time. Schoolwork isn't really getting done? Uh, what the hell have I been doing the last few hours...?

Think I will watch some TV...

At any rate, last week was really amazing. Each day was filled to the brim of either work or nothingness (yes, you are nothingness). More than anything I find myself daydreaming of the future, I am sick and tired of the monotony high school is currently dishing out. I can't focus, I've lost a step in thinking somehow, but yet I feel like I know exactly what will happen in the next 5 or so years. And don't even say senioritis, I've had that for years. I want to stop doing all this bullshit busy work and learn just what I want to learn, while not having a teacher holding my hand the entire time. No, I will not do work that does absolutely nothing for me.

I have a math test tomorrow that I am completely unprepared for. Proofs by induction are pretty fun, but not when you can't figure them out. The stats stuff is pretty easy with a calculato-WAIT I DONT HAVE ONE. Hmm, guess I will just look forward to Gov tomorro-OH WAIT I HAVNT DONE THE BUSY WORK. English...? Damn, I just love listening to complete fucking morons butcher the poetry that is Macbeth for an hour at a time. MACBETH DOESNT STOP. AFTER. EACH. WORD. HE. SAYS. OK IM DONE WITH CAPS. Maybe German? wow, ich verstehe nicht.

Well this turned into a pretty emo post, gonna go /wrists for the night I guess. Gotta get up early for math studying =\

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 05:11:59 GMT

Ready to kick some ass in academic decathlon...yupyup

I'm now the newswriter for lunnies; gonna be fun writing that stuff up, rather excited.

Nothing to talk about though! nighty night

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 06:11:07 GMT

And now I feel rested, my eyelids lifted from their droopy look,
Suddenly, everything makes sense

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 06:23:50 GMT

Went to some bullshit political debate today after school, Maroon vs. Hillsland. Was RETARDED. First of all, the question was completely irresponsible and inappropriate; Should Bush be impeached? I mean, wtf, don't you have to break laws to even be considered for this, in which case you end up getting off (LOL double meaning) anyways? Hillsland basically rambled on and on about how Bush 'bends the law' and changes things himself. Then she kept saying that the check and balances need to be better. Maroon just completely ate her asshole with retorts that basically nulled anything she said, such as "Yes, there are checks and balances, and congress, while in a democratic majority, was the one that passed the patriot act, making everything you say is 'illegal', legal." It was lol worthy, and not just because I am biased, as courtney and alan said it was also utter domination. So Maroon basically debunked all her bullshit about FEMA being bush's fault, Iraq being for nothing, etc. It was a good laugh really. Then a vote was taken at the end to see which side people were on. I was gonna turn around and lol at the 1-4 commy pinko people that were gonna say "omg impeach bush its hitler!" but to my complete surprise, about 80% said impeach him. What. The. Hell. I seriously felt as if they had heard some completely different debate than I had just heard. Hillsland even said, Bush has broken NO laws. Sure, these may be uneducated people voting here, but there is no law saying uneducated people should be unable to vote during a real election (although there should be). So ya, I have very, very little faith in this country if a hardcore conservative does not take office soon and take back the god damn nation from looming socialism and self-destruction.

And if a nuclear bomb does go off in this country, for there are reports saying someone from al Quada has one in this country, then Bush should be impeached for not closing the borders right when he got into office, just as Clinton and Bush Sr. should be put on trial for treason for the same thing.

P.S. Brendon sat right next to me during it, I don't think he knew who I was though lol :X

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 19:17:01 GMT

19 days, oh god 19 days...

Es geht

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 05:57:13 GMT

Really don't have much to say but I will ramble anyways. All I have been doing as of late is working and going to school(I mean doing sudoku). Figured out what I think I want to do for my senior project: Take cooking/baking classes, practice quite a bit, and then make thanksgiving dinner, complete with home-made pies. It's something I should learn how to do so my future wife won't consider me helpless/inadequate. Would also just be a nice thing to give my mother a break for one year and allow her to sit down and watch T.V...even though football WILL be on :X

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 05:36:32 GMT

Weeeelll, today in government, we are giving current event presentations, and somehow we get in a class discussion about the war (what doesnt derail into this now-a-days). So the class is discussing, the usual logical vs. loliberal debate, and then someone mentions all the civilians killed and how we are no better than Saddam Hussein if we kill any civilians. So let me get this straight, we arn't any better than a ruthless dictator that killed over 1 million of his own people, yet we have liberated this country from the exact madman (even though I don't agree with doing this) and we have given a nation hope that has never known the word?

The person went farther to suggest that american soldiers should be more careful when attempting to identify a terrorist, and they should error on the side of caution by not shooting anyone that could potentially be a civilian. What the fuck? Isn't that the same as saying more american soldiers should lose their lives in order to make us look more 'humane' to the rest of the world?

Think about the reprocussions of this. More american soldiers dying in the first place is just stupid, but once more start dying, suddenly less and less people want to join the military. Less people joining = less people in the military = not enough people to afford to lose 2 soldiers : 1 insurgent = will never win a war again. To be completely honest, I would not be opposed to people over the age of 18 to have to complete boot camp, and then be placed on a 'last-line' priority. In other words, if we ever were to run short on soldiers and are in dire need, the military could call upon an already trained public. Call it a militia, call it the draft, whatever the hell you want. At the current rate of recruitment in the United States, it might have to be turned to.

But I digress. Summary: Suggesting allies dying before enemies is suicidal.

P.S. Dr. Pepper holds me when I sleep at night